7/7/17

I have deemed this chapter of my life the chapter of self discovery. I know I know, how very twenty-something of me; I would be rolling my eyes if I were you too. But truthfully, I can feel myself start to 'click' inside my own mind. It's the same feeling you get when you finally understand that complicated math problem, or nail that high A sharp in the sing you've been working at for months. It's accomplishment. I am starting to understand what makes me "me"; how I function and why I act the way I do, and that's pretty exciting.

The first step in self improvement is knowing yourself. You can never truly pinpoint areas for improvement in yourself unless you know yourself well enough. And you certainly would not listen to your wisdom, and become a better person, if you did not know yourself well enough to trust that the words you felt were true. At least I know I wouldn't. 

It's all so much fun! I feel like I'm gaining a friend in myself along the way.

Anyways, that's all for now!

Be good to yourself. 

Be good to one another. 

~M

Four Years Later: An Update

Hi, it's me.... and as my post back-log informs me, it's been almost four years since I've written anything on here. I don't even know if anyone knows this still exists; I barely even did, so it wouldn't surprise me.

Four years though. FOUR YEARS. So much can, and has, changed in that time! It's amazing to look back and remember what you have lived through and overcome. The memories you have made with close friends, life events you have accomplished, and the heartbreaks you muddled through. It is a wonderful reminder that I am strong, and that no matter what happens, I will be okay.

Lately I have been feeling lonely. The kind of loneliness you can only feel after a big love has passed through your life. My heart can't help but drop a little bit when I  remember how safe the smell of his cologne made me feel, or the many hours we  spent laughing together, or  the amazing adventures we went on. He was a part of some of the best years of my life, but now he's gone, and it still hurts. I don't have my sidekick to lean on after a hard day, no one to experience life with. I miss him like he was a piece of me. He was someone who made me better, challenged me, and complimented me. I did a dumb thing and  told him I missed him after he said he "thinks he might never settle down". I don't know what I was expecting, but he never said it back. I wondered if it meant something that he didn't say it too. Worried that maybe the three years we shared weren't quite as great as I remembered. Because if they were, wouldn't he miss me too? But then I told myself to snap out of it. If he doesn't miss me, then he doesn't. And there certainly isn't anything I can do about that.

I'm working on myself now; and although it's going slow as hell, I'm still doing it. One metaphorical foot in front of the other - every step at my own pace. I have come far in the last four years. I am happy with the choices I made and the people I have met and become friends with. Each of them have been so incredibly formative, and I'm so happy to have known all of them. If any of you are reading this, I'm just going to say thank you. Thank you for helping me become the person I am today. I probably don't tell you enough, but thank you. You are all blessings in my life.

I'm going to try and keep this updated. We'll see how well this works. I would like to be able to look back in four (or forty) years and have to fill in less of the pieces by memory alone. If they are as amazing as the past four have been, I'm sure I'll have a lot I'll want to remember.

Stay lovely.
~M