Clear your mind

On clear nights I can hear the train roll into town. I can not only hear the whistle blow, but the wheels on the track making a solid rhythm.

On nights like this, the cool crisp air blows into my room and helps me clear my mind-something I have been needing to do for quite some time. It coaxes me to a quiet place inside myself where I can just "be". 

I think this is why I stay up so late sometimes. I wait for the soft night breeze to take me somewhere that is hard to find during the confusion of each day. Somewhere that I can look at myself for who I truly am, and spend a little time there. No expectations. 

I wish that everyone can find something that takes them to this place. So, I guess my advice (if you want it) is to go find somewhere where you can just be, and try to go there often. It is something I know you won't regret. 

Peace. 

Breakdown

If you were to walk into my room right now, to be honest, you may be a little bit worried. With my curtains drawn, the only light is coming from my new aromatherapy candle, its title telling me to "be amazing" and the glow from my phone, and yes, I am blogging from my phone. What you would see is not a pretty sight. A tear stained face buried into an equally tear stained pillow.

If you came across this sight, you may be taken aback. Maybe you would slowly back out of my room and pretend that you never saw. But if you are more of the hands on healing type, you may slowly step into the room and sweetly ask what was troubling me. 

After a few moments I would tell you that, as you very well know, I hate uncertainty, and lately all I have been feeling in almost every aspect of my life is uncertainty. I am not sure who I am anymore, and more importantly my future seems like it is headed in all the wrong directions. The most frustrating part though is that I am the ink one who can tell myself how to write my story. I guess I have gotten so used to most of my life choices being made for me, and now that I am on my own, I can't trust myself.

College. Something that should bring excitement and hope for the future has lately just been bringing me more trouble and worrying than I can handle. Engineering is what I picked (environmental to be exact) and, after registering for classes, it is about the last thing that I want to be doing. The concept of having to take calculus classes for four years makes me want to stay curled up in my bed smelling my aromatherapy candle forever. (Hopefully someone would be kind enough to join me) but I do confess that would probably not pay off in the long run. 

So here is my dilemma. If I can't be cuddling in my bed for the rest if my life, what will I do? Honestly I don't know. My interests are so spread from music, art, religion, to science that I don't even know where to start, so I am feeling more lost than ever, and I hate it more than anything. 

So, because I have no idea what to do with my life, plus the fact that I have already registered for classes, I will be starting every morning this fall with my calculus class. Joy. At least it is only one semester...

Thanks for listening and stuff.

                           Peace.